I graduated college. I accepted a full time position at an accounting firm. I have started studying for the CPA. I signed a lease near my place of employment. I have followed all the requirements on the syllabus, I should get an A now… right? At least, I should be feeling as good as I would if I had gotten an A, an A-… a B+? Heck, I’d even take a B. But there is no reward system in the real world. I do not receive a grade for doing what I am “supposed” to do. In actuality, receiving A’s requires a different grading system. It’s not a system implemented by and institution, given out to your by your mentors, scaled against your peers. You grade yourself.
When you wake up in the morning and when you look in the mirror at night, you grade yourself. Maybe subconsciously, but you have a general understanding of how well you accomplished your day. You could have done everything you were supposed to that day and still feel like you failed.
I guess to an extent I feel like I should be happy because I did everything I was supposed to do. But by following the syllabus I have neglected to ask myself the “why” questions. I have failed to adequately justify my reasoning behind my decisions and now they’re coming back to bite. Now, when my plans are challenged, or my motives are questioned I cannot justify them, to myself or to others. My purpose is unclear, and in order to grade myself effectively the decisions I make need to be aligned with a purpose.
I hope you are all willing to join me on the painful quest to discover my current motivators and I hope I have your support as I challenge these motivators. By understanding, then challenging these motivators I hope to transform them, creating new motivation for actions that will be appropriate for my ultimate happiness.
Thank you as always. x